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Joke of the Day
"Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers? Because they're always looking for drains."
Next Joke
"My master plan is to forget sunglasses at every location in the world so wherever I am I'll always have sunglasses."
"What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend? The knife has a point."
"[speaking at funeral] Deceased's brother: there's no words to describe the anguish we all feel right now Me: what about 'anguish'?"
"""If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace"" (from the back) He saw Creed live in 2003"
"I'd never compare people I don't like to Hitler, but the people who make the little ""x"" button impossible to find on pop-up ads are Hitler."
"Every time your kid starts crying when they don't get what they want, just say ""I don't negotiate with terrorists."""
"How do you make a shortcut? With small scissors."
"I just googled ""jokes to tell right before you die"" and if that doesn't tell you what kind of person I am, I don't know what does."
"When Bruce Banner gets constipated do you think he turns into the Hulk? - just one of the thoughts I have during important business meetings"