135397

Joke of the Day

"A child is like a blank slate. They make a horrible screeching sound when you drag your nails across their face."

"So Lisa said she wanted to be friends with benefits Where's my dental plan, you slut? (source, college humor)"

"What do Swedish criminals say when the cops are coming? Pork! Pork! Pork!"

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used tampon and say yes im making tea!"

"I just put a client on hold for five minutes while I went to the break room to heat up a burrito in case you wondered about my work ethic."

"A black man walks into a bar his cell door was still closed."

"What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons? Jose and Josb"

"What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ? That's my buoy !"

"I got this really good lifeprotip while in the shower, but I forgot it when I dropped the soap. Ah, now I remember what it was. Never pick up the soap when showering in a prison."

"My mom asked me what I was doing for Easter ... I said, ""Same as Jesus. Going out on Friday and coming back Sunday"""