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Joke of the Day

"I thought the baseball was getting bigger.. Then it hit me."

"What's the difference between ironman and ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command."

"Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*"

"It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve! - someone who believes in talking snakes"

"Doctor: ""Your wife is in hospital!""... Me: ""...How is she?"" Doctor: ""I'm afraid she's critical"". Me: ""Oh, you get used to that...""."

"The residents of Mayberry took a course in computer programming. Whenthe instructor said, ""Compile,"" Gomer went to the head of the class."

"How do you reunite the Beatles? With two bullets."

"Arby's also has a secret menu. If you order a ""phone book"" they bring you a phone book and you can find any other place to eat."

"[buys ghostbusters ringtone] ME: who ya gonna call? [1 hour later] ME: who ya gonna call?! [2 days later] ME: *sobbing* I am so lonely"

"When I was teenage boy At first I wanted to be a gardener. Then I wanted to be a pool cleaner, afterwards a plumber. Then I stopped watching porn movies and went to college."