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Joke of the Day

"You know Santa came when.. There's more milk in the glass than when you left it."

"[on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* ""May I help you, sir?"" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme..."

"To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car."

"Why do women watch porn films until the end? To see if they get married"

"If I were a woman I'd probably use tampons because it seems like it would be hard to stuff a maxi pad all the way up there."

"My favourite exercise is a mix between lunge and crunch I like to call lunch."

"What do you call two gay rednecks? Super Smash Brothers"

"One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I'm going to visit."

"What I hated about church as a kid was.. all the standing up, and sitting, and the knelling I had to do. I just wish the priest would pick a position and fuck me already."

"What is the worst part of eating vegetables? The wheelchairs."