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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes instagram almost makes me wish I went outside."

"Saw a man at the beach yelling ""HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Harry and Jerry Harry is at home and his door is locked. Jerry come in Harry says, ""Who are you and how did you get here"" Jerry says, ""I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith"""

"Yo mama is so slutty.... I saw her on a box of wheaties with her legs wide open, saying breakfast for champs."

"You say ""bed."" I say ""horizontal worry pod of nocturnal overanalysis."" Let's not get caught up in semantics."

"Hey babies, all those sights and sounds that you find so fascinating are actually boring as shit."

"Every ten seconds, someone in London gets stabbed Poor bastard."

"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

"What do you do when you're sunburned? Make like a banana and peel."

"What have Brussel sprouts and pubic hair got in common? You brush them both to the side and carry on eating."