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Joke of the Day

"""Dad why'd u name me this?"" I named u after the greatest athlete to ever live ""Oh ok"" Now let's go, Air Bud, we're gonna be late for church"

"What's black, blue, and hates sex? The five year old boy in my basement."

"I was given MDMA and LSD tonight... What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble."

"What do you call a cold Jewish person? Iceberg."

"Why did D.R.E. call his headphones Beats? He named them after his favorite father-son activity."

"There is never an excuse to use a contract killer Always pay-as-you-go."

"What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common? They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums."

"My Animal Science dissertation ""Are Hippos Just Girl Rhinoceroses?"" met with a healthy dose of scientific skepticism WHICH I WELCOME."

"I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... ...until they are flashing behind you."

"Keep your friends' cake and your enemies' cake."