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Joke of the Day

"ME *sees baby crab in stroller*: He's so cute! I just wanna rip his lil legs off dip em in butter and eat them! MOM CRAB *beaming*: thank u"

"Why am I ambivalent about a swimming pool? It just deepends."

"Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade? A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president's spouse Bill Clinton."

"If A Book Store Never Runs Out Of A Certain Book, Dose That Mean That Nobody Reads It, Or Everybody Reads It"

"Why do muslims love classical music? It has lots of violins"

"A procrastinator and a depressed man walk into a bar... Depressed man: I'm driving straight off a bridge tonight. Procrastinator: I've been telling myself that for weeks."

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches."

"""Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position."" ""We're only hiring tree trimmers."" ""That's exactly what I just said."""

"Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light."

"I'm dyslexic, atheist & insomniac I stayed up all night wondering if there really is a doG"