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Joke of the Day

"""Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position."" ""We're only hiring tree trimmers."" ""That's exactly what I just said."""

"Didja hear about the coke dealer who retired? He didn't want to put his business in other peoples' noses anymore."

"I'll do almost anything to lose weight. But exercising and eating properly is where I draw the line."

"Why did the chicken not cross the road? Because it was lunch"

"[at gym] me: [wiping down equipment after finishing with it] cute girl: you don't have to do that with the vending machine. are you crying"

"If Chick fil A and Five Guys ever merged... they could call it Five Guys fil a Chick"

"My friend accidentally shot off his toes. He told me to take him to the hospital,But I can't I'm Lack-toes-intolerant."

"Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A: A Rolling Stone says ""hey you get off of my cloud!"" while a Scotsman says ""Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"""

"Trivia Crack is much safer than regular crack, but it will still tear your family apart."

"Last week I walked up to Wayne Rooney at the airport and said,""How about an autograph mate?"" ""Sure."" He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him."