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Joke of the Day

"I would tell you a gay joke... Butt fuck it"

"Me: hey squirrel, dnt steal d pigeon's food, the eggs are about to hatch S: u stole a cake frm ur roomate Me: Me: here, take the eggs too"

"On a flight I asked the guy behind me if he minded me reclining my seat. He said he did. It really put my back up."

"The new Batman is super realistic -- he's attracted to porch lights, makes your girlfriend scream and then the cat eats him"

"Broke up with my girlfriend today On the other hand I met this chick."

"Math is sad. It takes hours to try to prove your point, but only one counterexample to destroy everything. Much like my marriage."

"I wanted cats. My wife wanted kids. So we got a dog."

"I made fun of a guy for still having a Nokia phone. He threw it at me and knocked me unconscious."

"My best friend kept bragging about his expensive yacht Had to tell him to stop showboating."

"If a marine is underwater... Is the marine called a sub-marine?"