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Joke of the Day

"Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun"

"Since joining Twitter, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face."

"I'd get in the back of their van if they told me they had a phone charger in it."

"NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes? Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils."

"Whats the difference between an elephant and a grape? They are both purple, except for the elephant."

"So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar... They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips."

"[on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup"

"Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill-areas"

"Brothels in Thailand have a red and white striped pole outside like a barbars shop! I didn't know! Imagine my shock when I went in and asked for a 'number 2 all over'"

"You say potato, I say get the hell out of my bathroom"