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Joke of the Day

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wipe his ass. [Edit] my uncle just told me this"

"You can't change the past. But you can sit around in your underwear, dwelling on it and crying over what could have been."

"Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

"A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane.. Cop: ""Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."" Driver: ""well I'm just beside myself."""

"I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Somebody had ripped the appendix out."

"Cat Negotiator: Ok, so we'll shit in a box in your house and you will clean it up Humans: And you will be a loyal friend Cat: hahahaha sure"

"What do you call a woman with no legs? Disabled."

"I'm tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment I did it once and killed a cyclist."

"My wife was cremated after her death. Also during."

"Got my dad today nope nevermind, he ran away again"