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Joke of the Day

"Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!"

"I like to listen to sad music when I'm sad to make me double sad."

"What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit? Underlay! Underlay!"

"Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint :)"

"The revolution will be tweeted. The sunset, Instagrammed. The relationship, Facebooked. The storm, Vined."

"""Would you like to partake in resistance training?"" ""No."" ""That's what I like to hear."""

"Please take the smartphone away from your pets, they are spamming your Facebook with selfies."

"What's it called when you remember a good meme? A Memento"

"The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof."

"It's amazing the things you'll do for a person when you want to see them naked."