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Joke of the Day

"The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof."

"Saw It Of all the saws that I have seen saw, I never saw a saw saw like this saw saws. If you go thru Arkansas and see a saw that can out-saw the saw that I saw saw, I'd like to see that saw saw!"

"Why was the computer stressed out when it got home? Because it had a hard drive."

"I know it's fiction but the logic in The Walking Dead is so skewed it is impossible to suspend disbelief. An Asian guy named Glenn? Please"

"Life tip! (Joke) When someone tells you to expect the unexpected, slap them and ask if they expected it!"

"""When a girl says 'Awww Thanks!', it means she's politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from."""

"ME: ""Trick or bear?"" NEIGHBOR: ""Bear?"" ME: ""HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]"

"Saudi TV Mistake Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!"

"Did you hear about the new $5 million dollar Kentucky State Lottery? The winner gets $5 for a million years."