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Joke of the Day

"My RA just came to my room looking for fire hazards . He said everything was fine . I guess he didn't see my mixtape ."

"I've lost my dog! Have you tried putting a message on the Internet? Don't be silly my dog never reads e-mails!"

"[in hospital] -dude what happened? ""I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"""

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died."

"What's the only Pokemon that doesn't evolve? Any black Pokemon, really."

"[Dog yoga class] Teacher: Alright, let's go into downward human pose [Dogs hunch over and start pretending to text]"

"Three guys walked into a bar and stopped"

"A thief broke into my house, looking for money I got up and did the same thing."

"I just found the worst page in the entire dictionary... ...What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous."

"What does the DJ do when he spills acid? He drops the base!"