134260

Joke of the Day

"Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted."

"My friend told me to stop singing Wonderwall I said maybe"

"If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now? A math problem"

"Is this the movie where a down and out coach is given a chance of a lifetime to turn these nobodies and misfits into a winning team?"

"My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday."

"Congress just passed a bill that makes it legal to murder those friends who respond to a text by calling you."

"My five year old niece told me this one... What do you call a 60 foot platypus? A platybus!"

"My sister is a mathematician... She celebrates 4/20 on January fifth because it's just simpler that way."

"Is it still a walk of shame if I'm leaving my own house? It ain't like I'm proud of what happened in there."

"What's 9 + 10? Dix Neuf"