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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I decided to make a sex tape. But I came too quickly so we made a Vine. (Saw something similar in a meme so I can't take the credit)"

"Sure, I'll help you find those paper cuts. -Purell"

"What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!"

"Where is your 1,000 word essay? ""Right here"" *pulls out selfie* That's a picture... ""A picture is worth 1,000 words"" *becomes valedictorian*"

"I'd kill a two-year-old... ...to get with Casey Anthony"

"What would you call ISIS after they've been eliminated? WASWAS."

"My friend went into a sudden trance where she imagined she was stuck in a Pistachio. I told her to snap out of it. -She couldn't.-"

"I miss the things we shared together. Not the chlamydia but the rest of the stuff was cool."

"What do you call having sex with someone with herpes? *A bumpy ride*"