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Joke of the Day

"A friend of mine wanted me to recommend a TV series that 'ends with a bang.' I told him he might like Cowboy Bebop."

"Why Didn't the Jew Score Another Date with the Asian Girl? Hebrew it."

"You know what they should call ""Tinder"" in Manhattan? The New York Cock Exchange"

"GF: I think I'm gunna start a Twitter account Me: *whips head around* I'll help you set it up! *Grabs GF's phone and hurls it into the Sun*"

"Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher conference over drinks and ""we'll see what happens"" is considered inappropriate."

"Playing dead for the alarm clock doesn't seem to be working"

"No Valentine On Valentines Day? Don't worry if you don't have a valentine on valentine's day.. Most people don't even have AIDS on World AIDS day.."

"You send yourself a message through time. ""Invest in google"" it says. You don't have money in the past either. Nothing Changes"

"[Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes"

"I just lost my job and was told I should apply for COBRA. I said okay, but I think the G.I. Joes are going to be very disappointed in me."