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Joke of the Day

"Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you're supposed to pick them up?"

"""I just can't help myself!"" paramedic on his deathbed"

"I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. ""I'm not a clown!"" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest."

"Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled ""Teen Paranormal Romance."""

"They say innocence is always found in the children. This has only made it more difficult for me to understand why so many pedophiles are found guilty."

"Masturbation isn't illegal ...but I'm sure if it was, people would take the law into their own hands."

"Eating pussy is like going on a roadtrip with your wife You don't want to stop and ask for directions and you dont want to admit that a handheld device could do a better job than you"

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Hippies only screw in tents."

"The only B word you should call a woman is ""beautiful."" Bitches love being called beautiful."

"What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever."