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Joke of the Day

"I'm more excited to see my suitcase come down the baggage carousel at an airport than I am to see most people."

"Why did Cindrella sucked at baseball? Because she kept running away from the ball."

"When does a Mexican know he's hungry? His asshole stops burning."

"WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less"

"What did Spock find in the Enterprise Bathroom? The Captain's Log."

"No, I don't want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off."

"Why did Simba's father die? He couldn't Move Fasa"

"I'm about to have sex with my second cousin. Hopefully she's as good as the first one."

"People ask me to do things months in advance and I'm like, WOW, how does it feel not to expect you might die by freak accident at any time?"

"If you like internet jokes, you should see my online bank account."