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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please. ""Sir, that is a sleeping bag"" *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*"

"What is the difference between a zebra and a bar? Zebras have bars around their asshole, and there are assholes around the bars."

"What do you call an detective's glasses? Inspectacles"

"These drawstring pajama pants practically fall down when I don't tie them, so I guess another piece of birthday cake is in order."

"Getting into a fight at a dog park about cleaning up after your dog. You can't just walk away from this shit."

"Until public restrooms have automatic doors, the automatic sinks, soap and paper towel dispenser will make no sense to me."

"Did you hear that funny Amy Schumer joke? Me either."

"My favorite joke is about RMS Titanic. It's a one-liner."

"A man's Wife says that she wants something that goes from 0-180 in under 10 seconds.. The man leaves for a moment and then returns with the scale from their bathroom."

"It was so cold out this morning... ...that I saw a lawyer sticking his hands in his *own* pockets."