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Joke of the Day

"TIL Trampolines were originally called Jumpolines.. ..until your mom jumped on one."

"Me: I'm going bungee jumping Mom: y? Me: my friend John is Mom: so if John jumped off of a bridge, would you? Me: that's what I just told u"

"The hot chick I hooked up with last night must be a Berny Sanders fan... Because when I went to go pee, I could feel the burn."

"""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"" Hitler: ""Mine fewer then"" Reddit: ""I did **not see** that coming"" EDIT: Shit, I didn't get that Reich at all"

"Why did the band Nickelback get booed at the football halftime show? Because they suck."

"Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning."

"What did the programmer say to the architect chick? Wanna come back to my homepage and check out my floor plan?"

"For me, eating fast food is like going out on a date and finding out the person you're with is racist. Either way, you're going to end up alone in your apartment using up all the toilet paper."

"Two flies are sitting on a toilet. One gets pissed off."

"How to fix something: -Say ""let's have a look"" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say ""nah it's broken"" -Place hands on hips"