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Joke of the Day

"I saw an image of Jesus in my breakfast burrito. I asked myself, what would Jesus do? And so I ate him. Two hours later... Holy Shit!"

"Why don't they have werewolves in Asia? They get eaten."

"How do you ask an Uber driver if he drives for Lyft, too? Do you even Lyft bro? (I'll see myself out)"

"What's the best reason to date a pornstar? You never have to meet her father."

"The best part of September is fucking with Green Day during their hibernation."

"I remember the last thing my grandfather ever said to me before he kicked the bucket... He said ""Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"How do you get a fat girl into your bed? Piece of cake..."

"""Is there a Mr. Fields?"" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine."

"A recent survey found. 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy"

"Based on my experience with trying to find the restroom at Kohl's, I would die first in the Hunger Games."