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Joke of the Day
"Why did the Pollock cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken."
Next Joke
"My business portfolio is a cigarette butt inside an empty beer bottle."
"What do fish think about air? It's UN-B-REATHABLE!"
"What do you put in an oragami gun? Paper clips."
"My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed."
"""So, why do you want to be a doctor?"" Because I can never be patient."
"There are two kinds of people in the world Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data"
"I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy. I guess you can call it a fascistnation."
"COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears ""Lucky."" On repeat."
"[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]"