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Joke of the Day

"'I can't find my dollar bill' Jane sobbed. 'Don't worry' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'"

"Did you know pillows have their own website? Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!"

"Facebook made billions by saying ""Hey, remember that kid you haven't seen since the third grade? He's a parent who hates Obama now."""

"One day in the Kwik-E-Mart A customer asked ""could you give me two bags, Apu?"" but Apu couldn't give two shits."

"Three bloody tampons are walking down the street. Which one talks to you first? None of them because they are stuck up cunts."

"4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?"

"Auto-correct turned ""likeable"" into ""lickable"" and the new intern is confused by her evaluation."

"One wonders if actual douche bags are now available in Ed Hardy designs."

"Who was the first to see a cow and think ""I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"""

"A penny fell out of my pocket So I left it thinking ""I just raised their property value."""