133456

Joke of the Day

"Putin me on that list."

"[at goverment office] hi yes um.. my social security number isnt workimg. i've never once felt secure in a social situation"

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"Boyscouts vs. Jews What is the difference between a boyscout and a jew? ... Boyscouts come back from their camps."

"Life is going pretty good for me lately I guess. I just got a booty call last night. It was from life. Apparently it still wants to fuck me."

"TEACHER: please take off your hat in class *I take off my hat revealing a slightly smaller hat* ME: I can do this 14 more times"

"""Doctor Doctor, I have three vaginas"" Well is it causing you any problems? ""Problems!? I'm getting fucked left right and centre!"""

"Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium"

"I wanted to get rid of my body hair through laser hair removal But it grew on me"

"Have you heard of Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohans new sitcom? It's called ""two and a half grams"""