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Joke of the Day

"One of my terrorist friends decided to bomb our only good coffee machine in all of Yemen... Pissed as hell, he said he hates french press"

"Women are too sensitive. My friend said she was having twins. All I said was at least you'll finally have 2 kids with the same father."

"I couldn't find my credit card this morning. Someone must have swiped it. I'm sorry."

"What do you call a preponderance of the evidence that your drink has been compromised? Probable Cosby"

"Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder."

"Meow What do you call a cat who watches dirty movies? A purrvert."

"Why can't the T-rex do any push ups? Small arms? No it's because dinosaurs are extinct you dumbass."

"Viagra, it won't make you James Bond... But it will make you Roger Moore."

"What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef!"

"Why does ISIS drink instant coffee? Because they hate French press!"