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Joke of the Day

"Just used shampoo so fortifying that a giant brick wall manifested around me in the shower & I guess this is my home now."

"I don't understand poor people They keep saying they have ""nothing"", then when there's a flood ot a fire, they say they lost ""everything""."

"[after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* ""Had a great time the other night :)"""

"What do you call a painter with a brown finger? Picasso"

"Why haven't we sent a woman to the moon? It doesn't need cleaning"

"A blind man walks into a bar..."

"NaCl / NaOH The base is under assault!"

"Organ Freeman http://i.imgur.com/plVQyUC.jpg"

"Karate classes... Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you."

"I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."