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Joke of the Day

"Infomercials that present themselves as ""special"" news reports - Who exactly are these fooling?"

"I took my wife to see the doctor today hoping to sort out her tourettes problem. It turns out she doesn't have it... I am a bastard and she really does want me to f**k off..."

"After getting out of jury duty, it dawned on me that our nation's trials are decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty."

"What's E.T. short for? Because he's only got little legs."

"A committee has narrowed the search for a name for the newly hypothesised 9th planet. It's between Urpenis and Urvagina."

"What's a frog's preferred fastener? Rivet."

"Skeleton: an oldie but a goodie! Why didn't the skelton cross the road? (Answer in comments so you can fully appreciate the joke)"

"Did you hear about the 50yo who couldn't deliver a baby? She was having a midwife crisis."

"I've messed up, I'm gonna be arrested for crimes against light... I'm gonna be sent to the state prism!"

"I just bought a Pontiac that sexually identifies as a Ferrari It's a Trans Am"