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Joke of the Day

"Why is the archaeologist depressed? Some old stuff just got dug up"

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"Beethoven found that having diarrhoea always helped him compose quicker By midday, he was already on his third movement."
"Women are just like an oven before you stick any cake batter in them, you have to preheat."
"i like the viagra ad where the guy is on some crabbing boat in the middle of the bering sea, thinking about how he can't get hard anymore"
"The people who think Obamacare is failing thought George W. Bush was succeeding."
"A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it."
"Detective: how were u able to do it? Serial Killer: thanks to the flexibility of Uber. I was able to work my own hours and still murder"
"Life is like a box of chocolates.... It don't last too long for fat people."
"Son, here is a photo of a naked lady. Please identify the following parts: beanplug, malm, The Crow's Eye, underback, velveeta, DataZone"
"What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas."