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Joke of the Day

"Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*"

"Kidnapping is such a strong word, I prefer to think of it as Surprise Adoption"

"I am proud to announce that my girlfriend and I are pregnant! Now, I just need to find a way to tell my wife.."

"Sometimes I treat my depression, but other times we go dutch."

"How to fall down the stairs: Step 1 Step 2 Step 4 Step 7 Step 11"

"I would rather be a goat or a bag of teeth than a ""low information voter."""

"What is the least pleasant state to live in? Missouri."

"What's Hitler's favorite video game. Meinkraft"

"I would do anything for my friends. Except answer their calls, return their texts, listen to their problems or see them. But anything else"

"If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral."