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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need."

"A black lesbian, an obese white neck-beard, and an Indian comic walk into a bar. What do you get? A Netflix original series!"

"[having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!"

"*practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] ""One grander none-fatty flaparinno"" barista: ... ""I'll try again tomorrow"""

"What's black and does not work? Decaf Coffee"

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? To find a tight seal."

"My wife has everything I could ever want in a woman: Low standards."

"He saved his family three times in the Taken films and got no thanks. The next one should be called Taken 4: Granted"

"What do you get if you cross the Titanic with The Sixth Sense? Icey dead people."

"A man walks into a bar... ...with a gun, and shouts, ""Who fucked my wife, I'm gonna kill him!"" Another man at the bar turns around and says ""You ain't got enough bullets mate!"""