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Joke of the Day
"What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day"
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a woman's argument and a knife? A knife has a point."
"if we know your religion, stance on gun control & how many kids you have just by looking at your car, you have way too many bumper stickers"
"Hush Puppies I felt like getting some Hush Puppies, but wanted something a bit more intense, so I went to the biker bar and ordered some Shut the Fuck Up Puppies"
"Me: did you know that abbreviating names can be really confusing? GF: really? Me: yeah George Foreman: that's interesting"
"I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood."
"Two fish are in a tank. One looks to the other and asks, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""
"NO. Absolutely not. I do not want to see your stupid cat video I've seen a billion cat vid-yeah ok let me see"
"I bought myself two eggplants and so far neither has laid a single egg."
"ME: The plane has wifi? Sweet, I'm going to Skype call that radio psychic. RADIO PSYCHIC: Go ahead caller, you're on the air ME: HOLY SHIT"