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Joke of the Day

"MOM: Story time ME: Yay! MOM: it's called ""The Little Engine that Could, but doesn't cuz he's a little shit that won't move out"" ME: mom?"

"Is it just me Or do you find pressing F5 refreshing?"

"What's red and white and red, red and white and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a roof!"

"[i start thinking about an imminent problem] Hmm this is unpleasant. I better address this situation by not thinking about it anymore"

"What's the difference between a boy band and a band of just guys? The person sucking dick."

"DOG BOSS: Any messages for me? DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy DOG BOSS: who's Agoodboy? DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*"

"Someone told me that wearing glasses would make me look smarter. No one told me you had to wear clothes too."

"What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!"

"My dad fought in World War II. I just received an email confirming my order of a maroon cardigan sweater."

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, do feminists still try to blame it on the patriarchy?"