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Joke of the Day

"The secret of a long marriage is accepting the utter euphoria you would feel from strangling your spouse to death isn't worth life in jail."

"Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed."

"What is the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before eating it."

"A good pickup line is ""I have a phone charger."""

"What college tuition assistance system program did Simba put in place once he became the Lion King? The MUFAFSA."

"When Dracula went to the blood bank, he said: ""Do you deliver?"""

"If you have The Black Eyed Peas on your iPod, 2 things: number 1, you're stupid and number 2, you have peas in a pod."

"Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never 'accidentally' hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad."

"What's the difference between an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic diver? Mark Spitz and Greg Swallows Yeah, I know it's old...."

"What is something that looks like an obese vagina, loves guns, is widely hated by the Europeans and can't take a joke? An Americunt."