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Joke of the Day

"A book fell on my head... I can only blame my shelf."

"Hostess:There's a 45 min wait Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers! H:Let me ask my manager *2 min later H:It'll be 43 min"

"i don't always add and multiply, just sum times"

"What's the difference between a man and a margarita? A margarita hits the spot every time."

"Had to pick my son up from school today He got caught being wanked off under the desk by someone in his class for the 3rd time this week! I said ""son, maybe teaching isn't the job for you!"""

"What is the meaning of afford? It's the car most sales representatives drive."

"I love buying cardboard boxes online. You always get one more than you pay for."

"[Putting petrol in car] 19.95 19.96 19.97 [stops] [gently now] 19.98 [very gently] 19.99 [ok, once more] [deep breath] 37.83 GODDAMMIT"

"When asked, 'Are you Twittering?' if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet."

"I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn't a very good one."