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Joke of the Day

"A book fell on my head... I can only blame my shelf."

"What mysterious hair product does Lucifer use to keep himself looking good? Arcane-gel!"

"Oh, some guy screwed you over? Would you like to explain how the whole male population is responsible for this?"

"I went to an Easter Egg hunt without a permit... ...They caught me poaching eggs."

"what did the captain say when the navigator complained they were off course? don't give me that latitude"

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."

"I'll never understand the appeal of TV shows about food. To me that's like listening to the Victoria Secret Fashion Show on the radio."

"whats the difference betweens a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs."

"I look forward to using the phrase ""I'm gonna fuck you til you're pregnant!"" in bed when we decide to have kids."

"do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don't have to be there"