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Joke of the Day

"Well, you see, there is something wrong with my friend... He spawns the pink eyes, and he doesn't catch it from other people... He just gives it to himself... Then spread it."

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"Me: Show me a pan that didn't get clean the first time and I will show you a pan that needs to soak.. Wife: STOP TWEETING AND WASH THE PAN!"
"GOD: did u eat from the tree of knowledge? ADAM: no...it was my girlfriend GOD: who? ADAM: u don't know her she goes to a different school"
"Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego."
"I tried killing a spider with kindness, but found that a shoe was much more effective"
"Waiter: Can I get you something to drink? Me: just cheese dip Waiter: .... Me: With a straw please"
"How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Four. One to change the bulb, three to stand around so he has someone to hi-five after."
"The Point of A Conference Call A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say ""bye"" 300 times."
"A Wizard walks into a gay bar, and disappears with a poof."
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, do feminists still try to blame it on the patriarchy?"