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Joke of the Day

"If I close my eyes while my 3 year old pours her cereal I can hear the relaxing sound of thousands of Cheerios raining on the floor."

"What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain? Anything you like he can't hear you."

"Can you imagine what would happen if Kate Middleton started doing porn? She would be *royally* fucked!"

"I have earned 800.25 as a male prostitute Too bad each of them paid 0.25"

"I just starred in a movie about a guy who sells car parts Don't worry, I won't give away any spoilers"

"What did the baby eating cannibals say in the hospital to the expectant mothers? Fetus!!!"

"Netflix is red, Xanax is blue. Put them together for a fun afternoon."

"I went to the paralympics Came away with atrophy wife"

"We've all heard of Whistler's Mother.... But what about Whistler's Father? I guess you could say that he's out of the picture."

"putting a sweater on your dog?? lol what's next, another harmless thing that only bothers me because i'm lonely"