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Joke of the Day

"A fire breaks out at a 70s themed party. The manager climbs the stage and says... Calm down, we don't want a Panic At the Disco! /r/panicatthedisco"

"When I was a kid, I wanted my bed near the window to see the moon and stars. Now, I want my bed near the mobile charging plug."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Boiler ! Boiler who ? Boiler egg for four minutes !"

"It can get pretty exhausting hating as many people as I do in a day."

"A man walks into a library asking for a book... A man walks into a library asking for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian replies, ""Fuck off, you won't return it."""

"Tip: If your parents are always criticizing you,,, ask them if the problem is bad genes or bad parenting."

"""I'm so wet!"" she screamed at me. ""I'm so fucking wet!"" she screamed at the top of her lungs. ""Give it to me, now!"" She could yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"I tried Tylenol for the first time today. It tasted a lot like cotton."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?"

"Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ""ate"" nine."