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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink."

"The invention of the broom may have swept the nation... ... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire"

"What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits' home? A search warren!"

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese women? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long."

"""You have a date? With who?"" [Sees a fishing boat] ""Uh, her name is Net..."" [Sees someone with a booger] ""Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."""

"Me: I didn't get the job. Wife: Why not? M: Something about my eyesight. W: What EXACTLY did they say? M: That I needed 'adult supervision'."

"""I know, right?!!"" Is the WRONG thing to say when my neighbor tells me that his wife is wild in bed. Lesson learned."

"(Slightly racist) What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? One can finish a race."

"What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Start swimming"