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Joke of the Day

"(Slightly racist) What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? One can finish a race."

"I'm watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit."

"A copy of Mein Kampf that belonged to Hitler was sold at auction for over $20,000... to an anonymous presidential candidate."

"What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit? I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green."

"I like my women how I like my wine... ...Locked down in the basement"

"Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear."

"What do you call someone who claims to do drugs to try to look cool? A marajuannabe."

"Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China? A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number."

"I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit. And all I did was sign up."

"There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't."