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Joke of the Day

"There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user... ...and I snorted the whole thing."

"Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately"

"My blind friend just tried LSD for the first time... There was more tripping than usual."

"I'm no scientist, but harnessing the power of teen girls talking would probably solve all the world's energy woes."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a sinking boat. Who survives? America"

"Why was the Dark Age dark? Because there were too many knights...."

"I ejaculated into my girlfriend's eye today... But to be fair, she should've seen it coming."

"What's the difference between a jew and pork ? Cooking time."

"Me: *eating 3rd Twix of the day* Her: You eat too much candy, you're going to make me a widow Me: *orders 10 truckloads & cancels all plans*"

"What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy? ""Oh god, a caucus!"" ^^^cuz ^^^he ^^^has ^^^a ^^^new ^^^england ^^^accent"