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Joke of the Day

"How come ""you're a peach"" is a complement but ""you're bananas"" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?"

"Star Wars Rogue One - Crap Joke Casian - 'Jyn, we need to refuel our ship!' Jyn - 'K, to Esso!'"

"If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him."

"If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work."

"What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip. No offense intended(to get the racial shit stated before I get hit with it)"

"Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later"

"Google+ is starting to sound like a half-way house for people that aren't phony enough for Facebook but aren't edgy enough for Twitter."

"Pro tip: never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time."

"My friends hate I when I use smiley faces. They're just childish xD"

"What happens to eskimos who sit on the ice too long? Polaroids! I'm so bored..."