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Joke of the Day

"My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down."

"[Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check ""Let's do it"""

"Note: When you cut jeans into shorts, remember to wear the top half, not the bottom half. lol. these denim calf warmers tickle my legs."

"I'm part Welsh and part Hungarian.. I guess that makes me Well Hung"

"5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies."

"I fought the law, and it turns out they have better resources than I do."

"Pete Rose is really bummed that Major League Baseball didn't reinstate him... he was gettin' some great odds bettin' they would"

"I told this guy I was arguing with if he stepped one more step closer I would hit him in the face, but he kept walking right to me. I guess he didn't understand the punchline."

"Why was the EDM producer bad at fishing? Because he kept dropping the bass"

"What did the sick waiter say when his manager asked him if he could come into work? I can't wait."