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Joke of the Day
"How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp? Give him sheet music."
Next Joke
"i'm reading this thesaurus. it's really interesting, or should i say... very interesting."
"Two shoes met and.. They had a converse-ation."
"Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times."
"Your dog is better than your wife. Don't believe me? Lock them both in your trunk for an hour and then see who's happy when you open it."
"I was at a bar last night nursing a beer But I stopped after an hour because my nipple was getting too soggy"
"Bad day? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Unmotivated? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Don't like rap? Listen to 90s rap Problem solved"
"People who say they are ""comfortable in their own skin,"" scare me because I wonder how they know what it's like to wear someone else's skin"
"Yo son, do you like nachos? ""Hell yeah!"" *son goes in for high 5* That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad *rejects high 5* You're adopted lol"
"Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge"