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Joke of the Day

"Baby, give me that couch.. .. cause I need some sectional healing!"

"Why did the milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder"

"What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition? Financial Ayyyyyyd I'll^see^myself^out"

"If you use your alarm to look for your car in a parking lot someone will eventually help you find it by yelling ""It's over here you idiot!"""

"The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"If at first you don't succeed... Skydiving is not for you."

"The distance this fish swam... Is a SCALER not a vector."

"So I told my girlfriend... ""Hey, wanna try anal?"" She lost her shit on me."

"Saw a group of ants carrying a Funyun and it made me wish my friends and I had a giant Funyun."

"You can put a satire warning on whatever you want. People who think Onion stories are real do not know what that word means."