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Joke of the Day

"FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there."

"My girlfriend said I should be more Romantic... She didn't like my toga but the orgy was great!"

"Date etiquette: The smaller fork is a salad fork. Use the larger fork to eat the salad fork."

"What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it? H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside."

"What did the cumulus cloud say to the stratus cloud? Why arent you precipitating? (a joke me and my buddy came up with while driving. and its scientifically correct. lol)"

"Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised? They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off."

"Funny how arguing works. We're all ""You clearly disagree with me, so I will now repeat my point with steadily increasing levels of volume"""

"A pirate has a steering wheel attached to his crotch. As he walks down the street someone notices and asks ""Doesn't that hurt?"" The pirate replies, ""Arr, it drives me nuts."""

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! The job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in his jeans."

"What's the most difficult part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"