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Joke of the Day

"FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there."

"Why do honeydew melons have to get married in a formal ceremony? Because they cantaloupe."

"1. Invite snowmen into your conference room. 2. Turn up heat. 3. Negotiate on YOUR terms."

"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade."

"I really admire people who can joke about themselves so I made up this joke....It starts ""I have Alzheimer's ..."

"I remember the last thing my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?"

"For some of us the internet should have probably been the best man at our wedding if we were being honest."

"So I found out today that I have Alzheimer's..."

"Bill:""My homework is really difficult tonight I've to write an essay on an elephant.""? Bert:""Well for a start your going to need a big ladder.."""

"if a picture's worth a thousand words, the people posting photos on twitter are going over by 860 characters"