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Joke of the Day

"A pirate has a steering wheel attached to his crotch. As he walks down the street someone notices and asks ""Doesn't that hurt?"" The pirate replies, ""Arr, it drives me nuts."""

"Today someone told me that I was ignorant and apathetic. I don't know what that means and I don't care."

"So drunk that if Dracula bit my neck right now, he'd get a Bloody Mary."

"What do gay men and ambulances have in common Both get loaded from the rear and go woop-woop!"

"I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers... But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times lets face it you're a jerk and I'm stupid"

"[Pickup Line] Are you a phillips or flathead? OP: Uh, I don't know, why? YOU: I'm just trying to figure out how to screw you."

"What do you call two crows sitting in a tree? Attempted murder"

"Why did the hipster go to the gynecologist? To get a Pabst smear."

"I can't stand this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you're coming to my room."