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Joke of the Day

"Cow jokes What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef"

"[emergency] [super hero appears] GUY: It's Doesn't-Understand-Rhetorical-Questions Man. Boy, am I glad to see you! HERO: I...I don't know"

"I'd like to say the best moment of a woman's life is giving birth, but it's actually seeing an old nemesis and realizing she got really fat."

"Sorry; I didn't get your message because I deleted it without listening."

"Bored? Find group photo of 4 women on Instagram. Comment ""You 3 look incredible!!"""

"I'm currently writing a musical about diggers trapped in a mine. I think it's gonna be in the key of A-flat minor."

"Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America? Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China."

"Stop calling yourself sexy. The only thing you turn on is a microwave."

"How do depressed people lighten' up? They drink bleach."

"Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right."