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Joke of the Day

"Why did Mr. Clinton want to become President? Because it pays the bills."

"A Neckbeard Approaches a Cancer Patient at a Bar... He tips his fedora and says, ""Malady."""

"What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea."

"17: If I was gay would you still love me? Me: Of course. 17: If I committed crimes? Me: Yes. 17: If I voted for Trump- Me: Dead to me."

"You are what you eat. Is that why I am a human?"

"With the amount of people who hide their identity online you'd think this place is rampant with superheroes."

"When I said ""I hope you die,"" I was actually being really thoughtful. Do you really want to experience the unending burdens of immortality?"

"I'm on a plane with the dad from Home Alone and it's taking all my strength to not scream ""WE FORGOT KEVIN!"""

"Two Men are stranded on a Boat with three cigarettes but no matches. One man cleverly throws a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter."

"I bought some shoes off a drug dealer But I don't know what he laced them with because I've been tripping all day..."