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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the drummer commit the crime? He couldn't handle the repercussions."

"The wife's only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels"

"What's cold and scary?! I-scream!"

"Damn, girl. Are you r/Jokes? Because you tell me the same stupid shit over and over."

"I wish my lawn was emo Then it would cut itself."

"""Grandpa, why did everyone make a big deal out of selfies when they're just pictures, oh and thanks a lot for doing nothing about climate."""

"When an IT person pisses me off I just wait until 4:45pm to crash my computer."

"[in space] ASTRONAUT: Up here you can have delusions ME: Haha I don't think so A: They can seem real GANDALF: Don't believe him ME: I don't"

"How does a Xenomorph reveal its sexuality to friends and family? At night. Mostly."

"I really like chicken ""So, you really like cocks?"" ""No, but your mom does."" ""I'm sorry but she's not a hen..."""